Thursday, July 22, 2010

Why We Are "Victims"

Yesterday, I was discussing some issues pertaining to gay marriage, rights, etc. with someone and he said to me, "Kyle stop being a victim!!" This statement really got to me, and so I have been thinking about what it means to be a victim, what it means to have the victim mentality, and is having this mentality justified. Throughout the conversation I got the feeling that the man I was talking to believed that I was intentionally victimizing myself instead and thus did not have the recourse to be a "victim".

So what does being a victim mean and is it a good or a bad thing? Now in my thinking, there can be two different types of victims. Those who ARE truly victims of a grave injustice, and those who ASSERT that they are the victims of grave injustice. Where are the gay activists in these two statements? It really depends upon your perception of reality. Let me explain.

The individual that I was talking to yesterday believes that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice, and that you are able to not "choose" to be gay. Thus, in his mind, his statement was correct. For I have chosen to be a victim. I am asserting my "rights", even though I do not realistically deserve those rights, since you should not get something based upon a personal choice. I am being a victim because I am wanting "special" privileges based upon my sexuality, and if I do not get those privileges I make a ruckus.

The other side, represented by myself, believes that homosexuality is not a "lifestyle" choice, for there is so much more to homosexuality than me sharing the same bed with my husband. It is an emotional reality and something that I believe - and science has proven - is something natural and inborn. Thus, yes I am being a victim, but in the sense that I AM the victim of grave social injustice.

This my friends, is the realization that I came to after having this discussion. That when those who advocate against us, and then claim that we want special rights, they truly think that. Because they assert that homosexuality is an external lifestyle choice, just like wearing a blue shirt or black shoes, if you extend to someone the civil rights that all individuals enjoy you are granting "special" rights. It would be ludicrous to give perks, for example, to those who wore black shoes on Saturday. In their mind, this is what we as the gay community are doing. We are advocating inclusion within society based upon a "lifestyle" choice.

But those who argue against our rights must also do so for another reason. For if they agree that homosexuality is inborn and natural they themselves have become the victimizers of the homosexual community. This is an interesting facet of human nature. For when slavery existed within this country, did not southern slave owners say that the African Americans were "property" and "not-human"? In order for those who oppress us to not feel remorse for doing so, they must tell themselves that we have made a "lifestyle" choice. They cannot accept the scientific and the natural worlds evidence, because in doing so they will condemn themselves.

So when I was told that I was a victim yesterday, was that correct? Yes it was. But should I stop being a victim? Absolutely not!! I have a legitimate reason to be one; Reason, Faith, and Science - the three great influences of our age - can back me up. Only in proclaiming our "victim-hood" will we, the gay community, ever achieve true equality in this country. For if we stand back and submit ourselves to those who blind themselves to the truth, we will perpetually live in legal slavery.


  1. While I agree with you that sexual orientation isn't a choice, I don't think that that's why we're right to demand our rights. Say it was the same as choosing what colour shoes to wear. If people who decided they liked black shoes better weren't allowed to get married, that would be ridiculous. Same sex marriage isn't a perk beyond what the rest of the population gets, it's getting the same as what the rest of the population gets. Basically, if it were a choice, it would be a completely legitimate one, and we wouldn't deserve punishment for it.


  2. I see what you are saying Kelci, and I would have to agree. It should not matter that we have made a "choice", since we get equality in everything even when it is a choice - such as freedom of religion. The one issue that we run into, in regards to those who want to eliminate our rights, is that marriage and "relationship rights" are steeped in tradition. In their mind, you must have a good reason, other than i "choose this" to violate those age old traditions.

    I think that is what I was more focusing on, the idea that we cannot say to others that our sexuality is a choice, because that allows them to victimize us "legitimately." But you did bring up an excellent angle that I had not even thought of. :)


  3. Hey Kyle,

    how's it going?

    Now, what was it I wanted to say......right: You forgot one perspective in your symmetrical view. It's not just victim and victimizer but also observer. While the former two can coincide with the observer there might be a party not involved in the act of violence/unjustice done (however you like to call it).

    Nonetheless the observer (speaking of the group) decides how legitimate an action is and how legitimate the victim's claim to compensation and its status as victim is.

    I consider myself such an observer and i would agree that being gay is not a lifestyle choice - ridiculous thought at that - and that you are victimized by some states' governments but not in general. Other countries in this world do not victimize gay couples, hence i would question your status as victim in such an undefined and generalizing statement.

    talk to you buddy

  4. Very true see this is why I post on here, so that my thoughts can eventually have some sort of logical semblance :). You are very much correct with the idea of the observer, one who can objectively validate and legitimize/legitimize any claim of the victim.

    As for the generalized "status" as victim, you are correct. I was not meaning to say that overall I am a victim, but in my own country I least in the state I come from. Hopefully that clears that up. :)


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